There's a Feminist Book for That
THE LEORA LETTER
November 16, 2023
Slut-shaming matters because when people are dismissed as sluts, hoes, and thots, they are denied care and compassion as human beings and in a variety of situations, including when they are sexually harassed, sexually assaulted, victimized by image-based sexual abuse ("revenge porn"), and need an abortion.
Have you started drafting your holiday gift list? You can never go wrong with a book. Especially, if I may, a feminist book.
The excellent books website Shepherd asked me to share my three favorite reads of the year. I selected nonfiction titles that examine the history of people in the US flipping out whenever young women have chosen comfortable clothes; the racial roots of anxiety over fat women’s bodies; and campaigns to “love your body” and “believe in yourself.”
Read about my three favorite reads.
In other book news, I am excited to tell you that I just signed a contract with Rowman & Littlefield to publish my sixth book, Sexy Selfie Nation, in 2025. In Sexy Selfie Nation, I explain that many teen girls and young women* choose an aesthetic of crop tops and sexy selfies as a method of standing up for themselves and taking control within a toxic, sexist culture where they are constantly sexualized against their will. I show that the panic of parents and educators in response to crop tops and sexy selfies is misplaced and offer another path forward.
I am nearly done with my research but would love to hear from you if you have something to say on this topic!
* "Women" refers to those who identify as women and/or are woman-presenting.
Responses to last month’s newsletter
In the October 2023 Leora Letter, I wrote about a horrifying incident in which a high school girl’s breast was accidentally exposed when a teacher broke up a fight. The bare breast was seen on the school’s security video footage, which two school principals turned into a meme and distributed to school faculty. Here is what you said:
“This is abuse, full stop.”
“I hope they were fired.”
“This young girl is meant to be under the school's supervision and protection—not the object of a sexually charged joke. This situation should be treated exactly for what it is: a case of pedophilic sexual abuse.”
Would you wear a skimpy outfit if you were competing in the Olympics? Of course not, right? Yet Nike created track and field uniforms for Team USA Women that are so revealing, their pubic hairs show. I’m no athlete, but I imagine it would be challenging to focus on performance if I were wearing something so revealing for no good reason (as opposed to wearing a sports bra for better performance). Luckily, those in Paris can choose an alternate uniform and not the Baywatch version. Which would you choose?
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#olympics #olympics2024 #teamusa #trackandfield #notaskingforit #rapeculture #beingdresscoded
Is it appropriate to wear a backless dress…when you are 1 year old? Hello, of course! You are 1 year old! Well, not everyone sees it that way. A Florida mom got a lot of hate when she posted a video of her baby daughter at Disney in a Minnie Mouse dress that - wait for it - exposed the child’s back. Random people told the mom to cover up her baby girl. Did you know that sexism starts this young?
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#whatiswrongwithpeople #disneyland #minniemouse #toddlerfashion #dresscode #notaskingforit #rapeculture #beingdresscoded @thedisneybarbie
“I’m in my 50s. Can I wear a bikini?” This question was submitted to New York Times style columnist Vanessa Friedman by the mother of a bride. Her daughter is having a beach party after the wedding. Nice. Friedman told Mother of the Bride to wear whatever makes her happy, including a bikini, but to be prepared for negative judgment. I agree 100 percent. And I would add this: Mother of the Bride, if people are going to judge you negatively for wearing a bikini, that is THEIR problem, not yours. Congratulations on the wedding!
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#bikiniseason #ageism #genderedageism #beachwedding #motherofthebride #notaskingforit #slutshamingiswrong #beingdresscoded
Is it appropriate to wear a thong bikini bathing suit when you’re with your father, grandfather, uncles, and cousins? This is a question a grandmother asked Dear Abby regarding her adult granddaughters. Grandma is so embarrassed she doesn’t want to go to family swim parties anymore. Dear Abby had a good response. She pointed out that what the granddaughters wear is up to them, and it would be a shame for Grandma to miss family get-togethers. I want to add this: Grandma, why are you sexualizing your granddaughters? Ew.
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#dearabby #notaskingforit #rapeculture #slutshamingiswrong #poolparty #beingdresscoded
What is the most immature way to insult somebody? Making fun of their name. That’s what Trump is doing to District Attorney Fani Willis, a Black woman who is prosecuting him for illegally attempting to overturn the 2020 election in Georgia. He is intentionally mispronouncing her name - pronounced FAH-nee - and calling out her sexuality, saying he likes to call her “Fanny, like your ass.” Listen, this is straight-up slut-shaming. And it is racist. I know you know which way to vote, right?
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#misogynoir #dignity #objectification #stopsexualizingwomen #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
Why do people get so upset about the way women dress on airplanes? It is a mystery to me. I can understand opposition to casual dress in houses of worship and Congress—places where there are norms of formality. But what is it about airplanes? There are so many news stories about women barred from their flights because of the way they are dressed and being told by flight attendants that they are revealing too much of their bodies. I’m wondering if this connects with our desire for control over our immediate environment. Of course, when we’re on a plane, none of us can control when we’re allowed to stand up and we can’t move around whenever we want. Maybe when people—regardless of gender—feel anxious about losing control over their environment, they project this anxiety onto women’s bodies. What do YOU think?
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#travelattire #flightattendants #control #dresscode #dresscodes #cabincrew #gateagent #beingdresscoded
Here are some of the awful things people say in the comments. When I shared a reel recently on Stormy Daniels, many people left comments too disgusting and explicit for me to repeat, and I had to block them. One of the mildest ones was: “W-hores don’t deserve respect and aren’t human.” So you get the idea. Someone tracked down my email and sent me this: “You’re a fugly, histrionic, abrasive [redacted]. You should go choke on a [redacted] and shut the [redacted] up.” Listen, people who leave comments like this: You don’t have to agree with me. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. But if you disagree, please be respectful about it.
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#stormydaniels #respect #empathymatters #slutshamingiswrong #beingdresscoded
You’ll never guess why this girl was kicked out of prom. Was it because she bullied a classmate? No. Was she caught doing illegal drugs? No. Sophie Savidge was denied entry to her prom in Naples, FL because…she was wearing a suit. The vice principal escorted her out, saying that she “was not properly dressed for a female.” In response, her friends left prom early and invited her to hang out and get pizza. It’s nice to see that young people know how to treat others with respect.
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#prom2024 #promsuits #dresscode #pride🌈 #prioritiesfirst #beingdresscoded
Kicked off a plane because of your outfit. This is now standard operating procedure at Delta, American, United, and other airlines. Lots of women are coming forward to say they were barred from flights because of what they were wearing. At American, the gate agent called the police to bar a woman from her flight because she was wearing a crop top and shorts. Listen, airline people: Shouldn’t you be focused on something important, like… safety?
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#dresscode #dresscodes #cabincrew #gateagent #beingdresscoded
Stormy Daniels deserves to be called whatever she wants, and she is proud to be described as an adult film actress and director. But in our slut-shaming culture, in which violence against women regarded as slutty is a serious threat, and people in the adult film industry are not considered credible, journalists covering the hush-money trial should be thoughtful about how they describe her. How about if they refer to her simply as “an actress and director”?
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#stormydaniels #hushmoney #powerful #beingdresscoded
Prom season? Time for gratuitous, hurtful dress-coding. An Alabama high school student was barred from their senior prom because they are trans and wanted to wear a dress. The school dress code does not specify what you can or can’t wear to the prom. But even if it did, there’s never an excuse for turning away a student who is just trying to express themselves through clothing. School administrators: be the role models you’re supposed to be and include all students into the school community.
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#prom #prom2024 #promdress #transgender #transkids #pride #dresscode #beingdresscoded
If you’re assaulted while drunk, your assault doesn’t count, according to New York and many other states, which say that if you choose to consume a substance and become intoxicated, you do not get justice under the law. This loophole tells victims they are to blame. If you’re in New York, tell your state legislators to get rid of the Voluntary Intoxication Loophole. Because every victim deserves their day in court.
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#voluntaryintoxicationloophole #voluntaryintoxicationexclusion #consentmatters #endrapeculture #notaskingforit #beingdresscoded
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@community_for_a_cause @thecuracollective
Dress-coded at the library. A mom was chasing after her children at the local library when the librarian came up to her and scolded her because when she carried her toddler, an inch of her stomach was exposed when her shirt was riding up. The mom was taking her kids to story time. You know what story they should be telling at story time? That you should never embarrass someone over something so insignificant and that perpetuates the false idea that there’s something shameful about women’s bodies. That’s a story time I’d go to - and I would wear whatever I want.
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#libraries #notaskingforit #rapeculture #momclothes #beingdresscoded
Is your neckline too low? It’s a subjective question, right? And yet a public school in New Jersey has a dress code that says that students may not wear clothes with “necklines that are too low.” The problem is that one person’s “low” is another person’s “just right.” This means that anyone can be pulled aside. So… is your neckline too low today?
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#dresscode #rapecultureisreal #rapeculture #notaskingforit #slutshamingiswrong #beingdresscoded
Are deepfakes a harmless prank? No! Last week, I attended the Virtual Summit on Deepfake Abuse - organized by @myimagemychoice - where victims of synthetic non consensual intimate images - or deepfakes - shared horrifying stories of being sexually objectified and violated by strangers on the internet. This could happen to any of us. If you know someone victimized in this manner, trust them and be there for them, okay?
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#myimagemychoice #deepfake #sexualabuseawareness #objectification #notaskingforit #stopsexualizingwomen #endrapeculture #endslutshaming #beingdresscoded
Are we STILL talking about what we can wear to the gym? Sadly, yes. Gyms across the US continue to ban sports bras, which — let’s face it — are basically just crop tops. What can we do about this?
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#sportsbra #sportsbras #croptop #gymculture #notaskingforit #endrapeculture #stopslutshaming #dresscode #beingdresscoded
Parents, don’t sell pictures of your daughter to strangers! According to a chilling New York Times investigation, thousands of ‘Instamoms’ post images of their young daughters that draw in adult men s8xually attracted to underage girls. The parents are doing this for fame and money. What can we all do to shut down this sickening trend?
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#objectification #stopsexualizinggirls #endrapeculture #rapecultureisreal #notaskingforit #beingdresscoded @nytimes
If you're not sure what slut-shaming looks like, here is a good example. The former head of a summer camp told me about an incident where 2 campers, a boy and a girl, were found naked together. He called their parents. The boy’s mom said, “Ooh, I didn’t know he was so frisky!” - in a positive way. The girl’s mom said, “That whore!” Same behavior; 2 very different reactions. How would you react?
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#slutshamingiswrong #rapeculture #rapecultureisreal #notaskingforit #beingdresscoded #summercamp
Cheerleaders, cover yourselves up! But only when you’re in the classroom. When you’re at basketball games, you need to wear your uniform with a miniskirt. That’s what a Michigan high school is telling the cheerleaders. Talk about mixed messages: “Be a sex object sometimes. Cover yourself up other times.” Does this make any sense?
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#cheerleading #cheerleaderlife #dresscode #notaskingforit #slutshamingiswrong #rapeculture #beingdresscoded
Clothing and sexual assault. It’s not what you wear that elevates your risk. It’s whom you know. Eight out of 10 rapes are committed by someone known to the victim, according to the organization @rainn. So if you have a young woman in your life and you’re trying to protect her, don’t look at her body and tell her she’s wearing the wrong clothes. Instead, look at the people whom you associate with.
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#consentmatters #endrapeculture #notaskingforit #stopslutshaming #beingdresscoded
Ever okay to go braless? Delta Airlines says no. They told a passenger wearing a baggy white T-shirt and no bra that her outfit was “offensive” and that she needed to cover up with a jacket to board the plane. What do you think: should it be mandatory to wear a bra if you present as a woman?
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#dresscode #dresscodes #deltaairlines #braless #beingdresscoded
How to get taken seriously as a woman. Just kidding! I actually have no idea how to get taken seriously as a woman. E. Jean Carroll has been called a liar for testifying that Trump raped her. Taylor Swift has been victimized by nude deepfakes. So I don’t know. Is it possible to be taken seriously as a woman? If you know the answer, please tell us!
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#ejeancarroll #taylorswift #consent #endrapeculture #notaskingforit #stopslutshaming #beingdresscoded
The deepfakes of Taylor Swift. Fake, explicit images of the megastar were created by artificial intelligence and circulated on social media. Harmless prank? No! Actually, it’s sexual abuse—and it should be a federal crime. It happens to women all the time. Has this ever happened to you?
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#taylorswift #artificialintelligence #deepfake #revengeporn #sexualabuseawareness #dignity #objectification #notaskingforit #stopsexualizingwomen #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
What she wore when Trump raped her. E. Jean Carroll was wearing a conservative coat - nothing provocative or sexy. Not that that should matter at all! But this is driving crazy the people who discredit her and call her a liar. Here are some of the comments on @nymag:
-“Sorry, that coat came years after she claimed she was sexually harassed.”
-“No screams, E. Carroll? And no one says a thing? Please.”
Let’s hope E. Jean Carroll gets every penny of the $83.3 million awarded her by a jury this week.
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#ejeancarroll #consentmatters #endrapeculture #notaskingforit #stopslutshaming #whyweneedfeminism #beingdresscoded
Commenting on somebody losing weight. You run into someone you haven’t seen in a while, and they’ve lost weight. Do you say something - like, “You look great; have you lost weight?” For the love of god, just don’t do it! For many people, your compliment sounds like an insult - like they didn’t look good before. For women in particular, it suggests you’re checking out their body. Ick. Yuck. Just don’t do it, okay?
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#losingweight #compliments #complimentorcreepycomment #bodypride #beingdresscoded
How do you know if it’s okay to give a compliment to someone you don’t really know? Here’s a DO and a DON’T.
- DO compliment them on a choice they’ve made - something they’re wearing, their scarf, their shoes - to show you appreciate their taste and choices.
- DON’T comment on their body. Ever.
Still confused? Check out my Compliment or Creepy Comment decoder. Link in bio.
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#compliment #compliments #harassment #beingdresscoded #complimentorcreepycomment
When is a compliment actually harassment? There’s been a lot of chatter on my recent post on the British Airways dress code in which I recommended not commenting on the appearance of cabin crew - or anyone - so that people can go about their day without feeling scrutinized or sexualized. One commenter said, “Apparently the Karens can’t take a compliment without making an argument out of it. Dress modesty and there won’t be any problems.” But maybe what YOU think is a compliment is RECEIVED as harassment. Think about it.
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#compliment #compliments #complimentorcreepycomment #harassment #cabincrew #beingdresscoded
Let women athletes run in their sports bras. That’s what student athletes at Ithaca College are saying after a recent dress code policy was put into place. I’ve got a bad knee myself, so I don’t run—but if I did, I can totally see why it would make sense to skip the top and just wear the sports bra. Here’s what some students are saying:
-“If we’re talking about professionalism, this is what professionals are wearing in our sport.”
-“Now I’m worrying about what my body looks like to other people and I feel like no one should have to do that, least of all women.”
It seems that nearly all dress codes always eventually end up here—making us aware of our bodies when before, we were just going about our lives. Can’t we just go about our lives?
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#girlswhorun #runnergirl #athleticgirls #athleticgirl #crosscountryrunning #sportsbras #notaskingforit #slutshamingiswrong #rapeculture #ithacacollege #beingdresscoded
The airline bra rule. I posted recently about the British Airways dress code telling cabin crew what kind of bra they were permitted to wear in light of the fact that the uniform blouse was see-through. I got a lot of comments, many of them unfortunately and predictably quite rude. I’m not going to dignify them by sharing them here. But I did want to share some of my favorite comments:
-“We have a kind of see-through uniform in one of the restaurants I work at. Everyone hates it, so I’m wearing the men’s blouse instead.”
-“The airline should pay for the bra and make sure everyone can get good-quality ones that also fit the guidelines.”
-“Omg yikes on a million bikes. I’m glad they walked it back but it should never have come to that. Also, for the love of everything, confer with actual women when making uniforms for them. Literally this entire debacle would have been avoided if a woman had been in on the new uniform design in the first place.”
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#dresscode #dresscodes #flightattendant #flightattendantlife #cabincrew #britishairways #britishairwayscabincrew #beingdresscoded
When your boss tells you what kind of bra you can wear. That’s what happened at British Airways. The airline recently introduced a new uniform, and it turned out that the blouse was actually see-through, which led passengers to say some horrible things, as you can imagine. Instead of fixing the problem, the airline told cabin crew members what kind of bra they could wear—no lace, no patterns, and so on. They eventually apologized—but what were they thinking? Remember—don’t ever comment on the appearance of a flight attendant. In fact, don’t comment on the appearance of anyone, ever, and we’ll all be good.
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#dresscode #dresscodes #flightattendant #flightattendantlife #britishairways #cabincrew #beingdresscoded
Supermodel Paulina Porizkova posed t0pless. Well, she was covered in silver paint. I’m not usually a fan of t0pless poses or see-through “n8ked” dresses. No, I’m not a prude or a slut-shamer. I just dislike gimmicks. Call me a gimmick-shamer. Anyway, I love the Porizkova portrait. She wrote, “This is where my power lies. Not the nudity per se but the ability to show myself as I am.” THAT is a gimmick I can get behind.
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#paulinaporizkova #supermodel #bodypride #olderisbolder #beingdresscoded
I wish I could be this subtly snarky. The advice columnist Dear Abby told the mom of a 13-year-old: No, you can’t tell your daughter’s friend that the way she dresses is “inappropriate” and “too provocative.” Instead, have your daughter tell her friend that many people are “old-fashioned and judgmental.” Love it.
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#dearabby #parentingtips #teenagegirls #dresscode #beingdresscoded
I beg you to please stop dress-coding older women. And I count myself in that category; the other day, a guy gave me his seat on the subway because, he said, he respects his elders. So Dolly Parton dressed as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader when she performed during the football halftime show—and some people complained she looked “inappropriate.” Oh my god, it’s Dolly Parton! She is 77 and looks amazing. And why is her age even relevant? Tell me what you think.
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#dollyparton #ageism #ageismisneverinstyle #dallascowboyscheerleaders #dresscode #beingdresscoded
What not to wear on jury duty - Yes, I’m serving on jury duty this week. Here’s what the Bronx, New York, jury dress code says: “No shorts, tank tops, or see-through clothing.” And that’s it. To me, this is a perfectly acceptable dress code because it applies equally to everyone — assuming, of course, it is also enforced equally. You see, I’m not against all dress codes, just discriminatory ones. Do you agree?
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#juryduty #whatnottowear #courtroom #juror #dresscode #beingdresscoded
Don’t just get angry about dress-coding and slut-shaming—educate yourself about it! These 3 books are an excellent start:
‘Dressed For Freedom’ by Einav Rabinovitch-Fox;
‘Fearing the Black Body’ by Sabrina Strings;
‘Confidence Culture’ by Orgad and Gill.
Have you read any of these? Tell us what you think!
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#feministbooks #flapperstyle #miniskirt #historyoffashion #misogynoir #fatphobia #confidence #bodypositivity #selfesteem #beingdresscoded
What is the sexist bra rule? This is the rule that says that students who are cross-country runners can take off their shirts when it’s over 90 degrees — but NOT if you’re a girl. The ACLU is trying to fix this. What do YOU think?
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#nycmarathon #girlswhorun #runnergirls #athleticgirls #crosscountryrunning #crosscountryrunner #sportsbras #iamnotadistraction #notaskingforit #slutshamingiswrong #dresscode #rapeculture #aclu #aclutexas #beingdresscoded
A lot of men runners go shirtless—and many women runners do to. Sort of. They wear a sports bra as a shirt. I don’t have a problem with this; do you?
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#girlswhorun #runnergirls #athleticgirls #crosscountryrunning #crosscountryrunner #sportsbras #iamnotadistraction #notaskingforit #slutshamingiswrong #dresscode #rapeculture #beingdresscoded
So this dad wore a crop top and short shorts to a school board meeting to make a point that when girls wear these clothes, it’s distracting. But you know what’s really distracting - and disgusting? A guy feeling entitled to talk about girls’ bodies. Buddy, stay out of this.
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#croptop #shortshorts #schooldresscode #dresscode #notadistraction #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #stopsexualizingwomen
#beingdresscoded
Here’s the real truth about the new Senate dress code, which I’m fine with. When women report they’re harmed by dress codes, nothing changes. When a few straight white men say they want a new dress code, poof! They get what they want. Just saying.
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#senate #dresscode #notaskingforit #doublestandards #beingdresscoded
It hurts me to tell you about this truly horrifying incident. A high school girl of color’s breast was accidentally exposed when a teacher was breaking up a fight. The bare breast was seen on the school’s security footage. The principal distributed this video clip, and a faculty member then shared it widely.
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This is what I have been talking about. So often, girls—especially girls of color—are reduced to their body parts.
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We need to talk about this. I don’t think it’s an accident this happened. I do see a connection with dress-coding and slut-shaming because these practices make it acceptable to look at girls as body parts, and not as human beings.
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#misogynoir #dignity #schoolprincipal #objectification #notaskingforit #stopsexualizingwomen #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #dresscode #beingdresscoded
Do you have to be naked to get kicked off a plane? No; you just need to be wearing a crop top. Southwest tried to make a passenger cover up, but she refused.
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When you’re on a plane, do you care if anyone is wearing a crop top? Take the poll!
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#croptop #tanktop #midrifftop #midriff #traveloutfits #southwest #airlinedresscodes #dresscode #iamnotadistraction #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #whyweneedfeminism #beingdresscoded
“Raise your arms, girls, so we can see if your stomach is exposed!” That is what high school girls in California (Ramona High School) are faced with every morning before they are allowed in the classroom. If this isn’t sexualizing girls, I don’t know what is.
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#croptop #midrifftop #midriff #backtoschooloutfit #schooldresscode #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #stopsexualizingwomen #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
Should kids be allowed to dress their gender? In Mississippi, schools say no - trans kids must dress according to the gender assigned at birth. What do YOU think?
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#backtoschool #backtoschooloutfit #trans #transgender #transkids #transkid #pride🌈 #dresscode #schooldresscode #beingdresscoded
What’s the Number 1 thing you like to wear when it’s hot out? Shorts! Am I right? Now US indoor Target employees can wear shorts, too. It’s a win for labor and a win in the fight against slut-shaming.
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#target #whattoweartowork #workdresscode #labor #heatwave #toohotoutside #shorts #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #bodypride #bodypositivity #beingdresscoded
Stop wearing your body! That’s what a Costco employee - @binti_ya_oshun - essentially was told by her manager - that her curvy body, not her clothing, was a distraction. So, what is a curvy person supposed to do?
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Check out what @binti_ya_oshun says in her reel.
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#bodyshaming #bodyshamingiswrong #costco #dresscode #objectification #notaskingforit #stopsexualizingwomen #distraction #iamnotadistraction #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
The real reason women love Barbie: There’s no harassment or assault in Barbie Land—and no dress-coding. Barbie wears whatever she wants. In the movie, she is harassed the moment she enters the real world. So: What is the movie trying to tell us?
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#barbie #barbiemovie #barbieland #barbieoutfit #dollslife #gretagerwig #objectification #notaskingforit #stopsexualizingwomen #iamnotadistraction #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
More celebrity dress-coding! Actor Jonah Hill told his surfer girlfriend Sarah Brady not to post photos of herself in a bathing suit, along with other restrictions.
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Share your opinion: Why are men celebrities so insecure and controlling?
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#jonahhill #sarahbrady #insecure #controlling #objectification #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
“You’re not dressed like a mom!” That’s what Keke Palmer’s boyfriend complained in a classic slut-shaming move.
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Remember: Sexy is good. But too sexy is bad - especially if you’re a mom. Or maybe if you’re a mom, sexy is always bad…? I don’t know…
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#keke #kekepalmer #momfashion #misogynoir #doublestandards #dresscode #blackwomenmatter #blackwomenarebeautiful #objectification #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
Weirdest dress code rule ever - A Florida school district now prohibits students from dressing up like furry animals. No, this has nothing to do with gender or race discrimination. It’s just kind of funny - but mostly really sad - that school boards actually spend time debating things like this. Don’t they have more important things to discuss?
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#furry #furries #furrys #dresscode #schooldresscode #schoolboard #beingdresscoded
A Black woman wearing shorts was turned away by a Dallas restaurant—it was over 90 degrees—but they DID serve white people wearing shorts. Wait—what?
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#misogynoir #blackwomenmatter #blackwomenarebeautiful #wearingshorts #racialequity #genderequity #dresscode #objectification #notaskingforit #stopsexualizingwomen #iamnotadistraction #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
Painful heels and makeup? Not anymore! Qantas Airlines now has a nongendered dress code for flight attendants. It’s about time, don’t you think?
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#comfortableshoes #flightattendantshoes #flightattendants #dresscode #genderequality #pride2023 #nongender #qantas #beingdresscoded
Pop quiz: What is the best dress code?
Answer: When you have just one code for all students—no distinctions based on gender.
That is what the Hartford CT school district has enacted.
What do YOU think the right answer is?
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#pridemonth #pride #pride2023 #nongender #nonbinary #dresscode #schooldresscode #iamnotadistraction #dontobjectifyme #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
“Apparently, my dress is too short,” writes a UK woman who was scolded by a manager, “and he will be monitoring my attire going forward.” The dress “covers my knees and is not a fitted style.” So—what is the problem? I have no idea. Do YOU?
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#officedress #officedresses #dresscode #notaskingforit #iamnotadistraction #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #dei #beingdresscoded
Graduate in your UNDERWEAR? That Mississippi school—the one that last week told a trans student to “dress like a boy”—told a different student that she couldn’t wear pants to graduation. But they WOULD let her wear just her underwear underneath her robe.
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Okay—what?
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#graduation2023 #graduation #graduationdress #nonbinaryfashion #trans #transgender #dresscode #schooldresscode #beingdresscoded
Hey! Stop slut-shaming women who wear “subway shirts.” You’re only proving their point - that women need to protect themselves in public from predators.
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Maybe even from people like you.
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#consentmatters #endrapeculture #whyweneedfeminism #bodyautonomy #notaskingforit #stopslutshaming #slutshamingiswrong #beingdresscoded
“Dress like a boy!” That’s what a Mississippi high school told a trans girl who wanted to attend her graduation in a dress and heels. Because of this act of discrimination, she missed an important life milestone. To me, this is shameful. What do YOU think? @aclu_ms @aclu_nationwide
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#graduation2023 #transgirl #transgender #dresscode #schooldresscode #graduationdress #beingdresscoded
Women who have been raped are judged on their clothes. If they wear something considered “revealing,” people say they were “asking for it.” It saddens me that E. Jean Carroll felt she had to wear ultra-conservative clothes during her civil suit against Donald Trump. Let’s hope that the next woman who comes forward wears whatever she wants.
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#consentmatters #endrapeculture #ejeancarroll #whyweneedfeminism #bodyautonomy #notaskingforit #stopslutshaming #slutshamingiswrong #beingdresscoded
This shows how ABSURD school dress codes are. A nonbinary high school student in Tennessee was barred from their prom because they wore a suit instead of a dress. Schools are sexualizing kids no matter what they wear!
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#prom2023 #promsuit #promdress #nonbinaryfashion #objectification #schooldresscode #dresscode #femininity #masculinity #beingdresscoded
What do kids want? To be comfortable in school! The New York Times asked them about dress codes and uniforms. All said: “Please, just let us wear comfortable clothes—including tank tops when it’s hot out.”
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Schools, are you listening?
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#letkidsbekids #comfortableclothes #tanktop #dresscode #schooldresscode #iamnotadistraction #stopsexualizingchildren #stopsexualizingwomen #dontobjectifyme #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
A 14-year-old was missing. People said that she wore too much makeup. Hey! This is textbook slut-shaming—saying she deserves what happened to her because she did something wrong.
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The girl, from Sydney, was found days later.
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#notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #stopsexualizingchildren #beingdresscoded
When you can’t afford new clothes, should you be dress-coded? A 15-year-old tells me that when she was 11, she was disciplined by her California school for wearing a shirt that was a teeny bit too small. The shirt covered her stomach, but not when she raised her arm. Her family could not afford new clothes.
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What should the school have done instead?
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#empathymatters #dontshame #cantafford #elementaryschool #stopsexualizingchildren #schooldresscode #schooldress #dresscode #dontobjectifyme #iamnotadistraction #notaskingforit #endrapeculture #endslutshaming #letkidsbekids #beingdresscoded
This is so creepy and disturbing: A 13-year-old just told me that when she was 9, she was dress-coded at school for wearing a dress with spaghetti straps.
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What kind of message does this send little kids?
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#fourthgrade #elementaryschool #spaghettistraps #stopsexualizingchildren #stopsexualizingwomen #objectication #dontobjectifyme #iamnotadistraction #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #schooldresscode #letchildrenbechildren #beingdresscoded
I took off my shirt, and I got in trouble for it.
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That’s what a Black Houston high school student on the track team says. It was 100 degrees out. The boys were running without their shirts. She decided to run with her sports bra. She got in trouble. When she complained about getting in trouble, she was denied the track award she was supposed to get. The #aclu is on the case.
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Why do you think this happened?
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#beingdresscoded #runlikeagirl #girlrunners #doublestandard #sportsbra #womenathletes #dresscode #notaskingforit #iamnotadistraction #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #bodypride #whyweneedfeminism
Ten-year-old girls are warned that boys are looking at their butts. That’s what teachers are telling fourth- and fifth-grade girls wearing leggings to school. Are leggings really a problem? Should girls be warned about boys looking at their bodies? Tell us what you think.
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#stopsexualizingchildren #teachersbelike #elementaryschoolteachers #leggingsarepants #leggingslove #objectification #schooldresscode #dresscode #dontobjectifyme #iamnotadistraction #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
“You can’t wear that!” That’s what a sixth-grade teacher told a student who wore a shirt with cutouts on the shoulders (which the student had reason to believe was not a violation of the dress code). The student wrote a letter to the @askingamy column in the @washingtonpost, saying, “I felt so embarrassed and self-conscious.” What should the teacher have done differently? Drop in your comments.
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#speakingup #teacherslife #teachersbelike #cutouts #objectification #stopsexualizingchildren #stopsexualizingwomen #dresscode #schooldresscode #dontobjectifyme #iamnotadistraction #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
Ripped jeans—or duct tape?
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Schools are cracking down on girls wearing ripped jeans by forcibly covering their bare skin with duct tape. First of all: Ouch! Second of all, isn’t that more distracting than anything else?
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#rippedjeans #ducttape #dresscode #schooldresscode #stopsexualizingchildren #stopsexualizingwomen #dontobjectifyme #iamnotadistraction #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
Dress-coding pop quiz: What percentage of US schools have dress codes—50%? 75%?
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No—it’s 93%! That means that in 93% of US schools, teachers and administrators are scrutinizing girls’ bodies…which is so sick.
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#objectification #stopsexualizingchildren #dresscode #schooldresscode #dontobjectifyme #iamnotadistraction #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
This is so sick and perverted. An Alabama high school told the girls they must send a photo of themselves in their prom dress—front AND back views—to an administrator to check if too much skin was showing. The boys did not have to send in a picture.
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#promdress #promdresses #prom2023 #objectification #stopsexualizingchildren #stopsexualizingwomen #dontobjectifyme #iamnotadistraction #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
Should young girls be allowed to wear pants to school? A North Carolina charter school says no. The founder of this kindergarten-through-8th-grade school says that girls are “fragile vessels” and that skirts “preserve chivalry” and ensure that girls are treated “courteously and more gently than boys.” Tell me what you think about this one!
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#letgirlslearn #doublestandard #aclu #schooldresscode #dresscode #everydaysexism #girlsinpants #pantsforgirls #beingdresscoded
What women in politics wear—is it really so important? To Missouri legislators, apparently yes. They opened the new session by dictating what women in the chamber can wear—instead of introducing bills to keep the people of Missouri safer and healthier. Is this what you want YOUR elected officials to do?
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#missouripolitics #womeninpoliticsmatter #missouripolitics #workdress #officeattire #sleeveless #officedress #dresscode #notaskingforit #iamnotadistraction #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #beingdresscoded
Don’t commit this dress-coding mistake: Don’t assume that just because YOU think someone looks sexual that they are TRYING to look sexual. Most of the time, you’re probably wrong. Has anyone ever made this mistake with YOU?
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#objectification #stopsexualizingchildren #dontobjectifyme #iamnotadistraction #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #dresscode #schooldresscode #beingdresscoded
You’re talking with someone and they’re wearing a skimpy outfit. Where should you be looking? Their face. Their eyes. NOT their body. What do you do in this situation? Drop in your comments.
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#objectification #stopsexualizingchildren #dontobjectifyme #spaghettistrap #iamnotadistraction #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
Why are Disney dress-coding incidents so troubling? I think it’s because of the hypocrisy—since so many Disney characters wear revealing clothes. Disney: You can’t have it both ways.
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#disneyworld #disneyland #disneyparks #disneyprincess #disneystyle #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #beingdresscoded
Here’s one of the worst dress-coding incidents ever. A seven-year-old from Tennessee was not allowed to eat lunch in school because her shirt had spaghetti straps.
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Drop in your comments.
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#schooldresscode #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #firstgrade #firstgradeteacher #stopsexualizingchildren #beingdresscoded
Are guys really distracted by what girls wear to school? Here’s what one guy told me: “Yes, I was distracted when certain girls wore revealing clothes. But I would not have been less distracted if they had covered their bodies more. If I think a girl is hot, it doesn’t really matter what she wears.” Another great reason to rethink school dress codes.
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To read more quotes from guys on this question, check out my newsletter on slut-shaming. Link in bio.
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#schooldresscode #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #bodypride #bodypositivity #menasallies #feministmen #beingdresscoded
Parents, don’t slut-shame girls in your private Facebook groups. You should not be commenting on girls’ bodies. That is seriously sick.
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#parentingtips #facebookgroups #dontgossip #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #bodypride #bodypositivity #beanadult #beingdresscoded
Girls, bend over in front of the mirror! That’s what a North Carolina middle school is telling girls to do every morning—to check if they’re in compliance with the dress code.
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Should students have to do this? What do YOU think? Drop in your comments.
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#schooldresscode #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #bodypride #bodypositivity #middleschool #beingdresscoded
Wearing a sexy costume for Halloween? Remember: It’s not okay for anybody to touch you without your permission - or to make you feel bad about yourself. Enjoy the holiday!
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#halloweensexy #halloweencostume #sexycostume #cosplaysexy #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #dresscode #beingdresscoded
Do you need to wear a bra at work? A woman named Claire was reprimanded at her office job for wearing a black crew neck T shirt—not tight, by the way—without a bra.
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What do YOU think? Drop in your comments.
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#nomorebra #officedress #comfortableclothes #dresscode #notaskingforit #iamnotadistraction #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #nobranoworries #beingdresscoded
No sports bras! That’s what Binghamton University is telling women students—that they can’t wear a sports bra or shirt that exposes the midriff. Where? When they are working out at the gym!
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#sportsbra #sportsbras #workouttop #croptop #runlikeagirl #womenathletes #dresscode #notaskingforit #iamnotadistraction #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #bodypride #bodypositivity #binghamtonuniversity #beingdresscoded
Here’s more outrageous Disney dress-coding. A guy on TikTok writes that the outfits women wear to Disney World “scarred” his brain. “I’m talking about older women now. Like if I see a 65-year-old woman wearing a thong again, I will probably just gouge my eyeballs out.”
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People, I have no words for this one. Help me out. Drop in your comments.
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#disneyworld #disneyparks #ageism #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #endageism #beingdresscoded
I’m not against school dress codes - just BAD ones. Three-quarters of schools say girls’ clothes are a “distraction,” that their bodies are a problem, and that they provoke harassment and assault. Shouldn’t schools of all places know better?
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#schooldresscode #dresscode #dresscodenation #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #iamnotadistraction #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #bodypride #bodypositivity #beingdresscoded
Some girls were banned from the homecoming dance because of their dress—even though other girls wearing the same dress were allowed in. Makes you wonder what was the problem: the dress, or their bodies?
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#homecomingdress #homecomingdresses #homecoming2022 #schooldresscode #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #bodypride #bodypositivity #beingdresscoded
Here’s the latest Disney World dress-coding incident: A woman wearing a top held together with string was told she had to change for safety reasons. I agree. Let us not confuse slut-shaming with safety concerns.
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#disneyworld #disneyparks #amusementpark #amusementparkrides #safety #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #beingdresscoded
You know why Hillary Clinton wears pantsuits? So that people can’t look up her skirt. We ALL should be able to wear clothes that make us feel comfortable. Don’t make fun of someone for wanting something so fundamental.
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#hillaryclinton #pantsuitnation #pantsuit #womenleaders #comfortableclothes #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #beingdresscoded
DON’T do this when your daughter is dress-coded in school: DON’T tell her she should have covered up. DO tell her she looks great, and figure out together what to do so she feels good about herself.
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#motherdaughtershopping #comfortableclothes #coolmom #inschoolsuspension #parentingteens #daughtersarethebest #selfesteem #happykids #dresscode #schooldresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
Warning signs that someone probably will say you look “inappropriate”: (1) You’re happy with how you look. (2) You feel great. (3) You’re comfortable.
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#comfortableclothes #tanktop #croptop #shorts #schooldresscode #dresscode #pushout #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #bodypride #bodypositivity #beingdresscoded
What is the fingertip rule? This is a common dress-code rule in schools across the country. It means that when your arms are by your sides, your skirt or shorts may not be shorter than the place where your fingertips fall. This rule is particularly challenging for girls who are tall or curvy, and girls of color get singled out more than white girls. As you can see, I’m failing the fingertip rule, so I would be suspended.
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#fingertiprule #easya #shorts #schooldresscode #dresscode #pushout #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #bodypride #bodypositivity #beingdresscoded
Seven years old and dress-coded?! The seven-year-old daughter of a friend could not handle this 95-degree heat, so she took scissors and cropped one of her shirts and wore it to summer camp. Her counselor said, “No, you can’t wear a crop top”—even though she is SEVEN! Luckily, she has a cool mom who took her shopping to buy a new crop top.
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#summercamp2022 #croptops #campcounselorproblems #motherdaughtershopping #coolmom #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #beingdresscoded
Dress-coding in history Part 2: With the rising popularity of the bicycle in the 1890s in the US and Europe, women began to wear trousers so they could cycle in safety. They were ridiculed—but this was the first step in the liberation of women from constrictive clothing. Were these the leggings of their time?
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#bicyclefashion #dividedskirt #findesiecle #fashionhistory #dresscode #notaskingforit #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #beingdresscoded
“But aren’t school dress codes GOOD?” That’s what an educator said to me the other day—that dress codes are good because they show respect for learning. I agree 100% that we should show respect for learning—and that includes learning for GIRLS. I don’t agree with special rules for girls that make them feel bad about their bodies. Let’s respect all learners.
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#educator #respectforwomen #schooldresscode #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #bodypositivity #bodypride #beingdresscoded
Dress-coding in history Part 1: in the 1800s, hooped skirts and petticoats were considered slutty. For real! People complained that women were exposing their feet and ankles, which was seen as inappropriate. Have times changed?
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Stay tuned for more dress-coding in history reels in the next few weeks.
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#fashionhistory #petticoat #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #beingdresscoded
Monica Lewinsky and Beyoncé: Lewinsky says Beyoncé should rewrite “Partition” because it includes language equating Lewinsky with a sex act. Yes, she should! This is textbook slut-shaming. Beyoncé should be a role model and fix this.
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#beyoncerenaissance #beyoncepartition #monicalewinsky #beyhive #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #beingdresscoded
Dress codes are tragically out of whack. An Alabama man was being EXECUTED—and what was the jail officer worried about? The skirt length of one of the reporters. She was told it was too short—that it was “inappropriate.” THAT was what was inappropriate? Have we lost all perspective?
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#endthedeathpenalty #deathpenalty #tragic #dresscode #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #beingdresscoded
What does it feel like to be dress-coded in school? One teen told me, “They would make us change into our PE (physical education) uniform, even if it was 90 degrees and we were wearing shorts and a tank top. It was like wearing a scarlet letter.”
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A scarlet letter.
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#scarletletter #easya #tanktop #shorts #schooldresscode #dresscode #pushout #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #bodypride #bodypositivity #beingdresscoded
Ever force your daughter to delete her selfies? Unless she’s being totally irresponsible, maybe think twice before saying something. Selfies can be a way to strengthen friendships. And making her feel ashamed is never a good idea. How do YOU handle this situation?
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#parentingteens #selfiesofinstagram #selfiesteem #friendsforever❤️ #daughtersarethebest #selfesteem #happykids #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #beingdresscoded
Watch out when traveling this summer! Women are being dress-coded left and right—being told to cover up and even getting kicked off of aircraft—just for wearing a tank top or crop top. Unacceptable!
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#croptop #croptops #tanktop #dresscode #summertravel #airlinedresscodes #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #bodypride #bodypositivity #whyweneedfeminism #beingdresscoded
Oh, the inconsistency. One day, your uniform skirt is good. The next day, your teacher says it’s too short - even though it’s the exact same skirt you’ve been wearing all year! The girl this happened to had to miss exams. Somebody, please explain: How does this make any sense?
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#inconsistency #schooluniform #schooldresscode #dresscode #pushout #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #bodypride #bodypositivity #beingdresscoded
Psst! Did you know that letting kids wear what they want makes them feel GOOD about themselves? Isn’t that the result we all want? Just saying!
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Yes, of course there have to be some limits. I’m not suggesting that anything goes. But some schools have lost perspective—especially with girls.
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#selfesteem #happykids #schooldresscode #dresscode #pushout #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #bodypride #bodypositivity #beingdresscoded
Another reason school dress codes are so bad: Students who get disciplined often talk back and then get in trouble AGAIN for defending themselves - especially Black girls. Is covering up an inch or two of skin really worth getting kids in trouble and taking them out of the classroom?
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#schooldresscode #dresscode #pushout #schoolsnotprisons #notaskingforit #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #everydaysexism #whyweneedfeminism #bodypride #bodypositivity #beingdresscoded
“Boys will be boys, and girls will be sluts.” — Leora Tanenbaum